Garden of Sacred Solitude
In this garden of sacred solitude
I stand tall and radiant
a mighty tree
rooted deeply
in Mother Earth’s
warm embrace.
She nourishes me
with her limitless stream
of creative life energy.
With this, I expand
open and upwards
full branches reaching
towards Father Sky.
He playfully entices me
to grow with more
colour and vibrancy.
The fog is gone now
I reflect with clear eyes
what I am
what I am not
and I am deeply in love
with what I see.
If I am fortunate
to one day encounter another
who nurtures a garden of their own
who hears and cherishes
my innermost spirit song
and trusts me with theirs
I will gladly be a keeper
of their sacred solitude
if they are glad
to be mine.
Whether or not that day comes
I am whole unto myself.
My garden is bountiful
my spirit is strong
and I am awash
with gratitude
for this
beautiful
radiant
life.
I have been single for much of the past few years, and it has been the greatest unexpected gift. In my singledom, I have had plenty of time to focus on my own physical, mental, and spiritual wellbeing, and from this has come a deep feeling of self-connection. It has been so fulfilling that, for half a year, I deleted my dating apps and enjoyed a flourishing period of intentional solitude (aka “self-dating”).
Being a single woman, I’ve certainly felt nebulous anxieties around finding a life partner and having kids before my ovaries get too old. Upon closer inspection, I realized it was coming from the ingrained belief that my life’s value was dependent on another’s love and my ability to raise a family. This sounded ridiculous as soon as I put words to it. It was a belief so counter to what I’ve experienced within myself that I knew it was entirely untrue and unhealthy. My brain programming needed a major update.
So I began to imagine a different story - one where I never meet my soulmate nor have children of my own, yet I live a full and extraordinary life. A life of love, joy, creativity, and many adventures. A life where I am surrounded by caring friends and family who inspire and nurture my spirit through both good and difficult times. A life where I openly express myself through art, music, dance, and words. A life where I create and problem solve to help make my community better. I experience, I fall, I learn, I grow, I laugh. And when I pass away from old age, I do so with a full heart, leaving behind a trail of beautiful memories.
It is a story rarely heard, but one that I know can be true. This was the life of Bruni, an elderly German woman who provided my father with a home when he first immigrated to Canada. Even after he moved out, our family often visited her. I have fond childhood memories of summer dinners and lively conversations in her garden. She exuded warmth, kindness, and genuine love for her life and community. She passed away alone in her bed several years ago, never married, yet I know that she did so in great peace and gratitude.
While I believe that finding belonging within myself is the source of true happiness, I do believe that the right partner could greatly enhance it. It would require mutual trust and appreciation for each other’s authentic self, and a desire to help each other grow. It would undoubtedly take effort, but with the right person it could be more than worth it. I was moved by this quote from the poet Rilke:
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
And so, I am deciding to embrace my own story as it unfolds, accepting whatever comes. I will protect and nurture my garden of sacred solitude, for this is the source of my life energy and strength. I warmly welcome a relationship with a partner where we can be trusted guardians of each others’ solitudes. I also know that if that is not part of my life’s story, that is perfectly okay, for I have already found my happiness and am living an extraordinary life.
For my personal learnings, best practices, and favourite resources around nurturing my “Garden of Sacred Solitude”, check out my newly created Radiant Life Toolkit !
Inspiration:
Related writing:
On healing in the darkness